mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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