I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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