We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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