You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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