Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
