Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
