Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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