but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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