i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
