for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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