dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
