Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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