what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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