Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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