I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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