I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
