my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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