i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
