My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
