The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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