soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
