I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
