i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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