I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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