at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
