My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize