i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
