just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
pray to the hookup gods
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
