look no pants
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
