I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
