so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
