Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
