The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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