I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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