Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
