Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
