So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
