Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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