When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
