we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
