His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
