too bad you live with your parents still
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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