Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
