I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
