he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
