the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
