last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
