pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I deserve this hangover.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
