dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
