I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
