your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
