One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
