So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
