we have officially lost it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
