Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
