You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
