Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
