my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
