I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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