my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
