no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
