His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
