She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
