I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
