no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
