I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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