I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
