she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
