I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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