Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
