So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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