OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there is puke in my bra ... again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
