I think I am morally bankrupt
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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